Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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