i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
