U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
