Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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