My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
