i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
