I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
