you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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