Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
