are you so shy because you have an std?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You have to summon your inner elephant
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
