Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
