Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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