Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
