you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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