"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
