I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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