If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
