im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
