We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
