Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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