so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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