So many bounce houses so little time
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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