Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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