Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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