his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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