i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
