i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
