my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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