dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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