That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
