he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
