Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I die, sorry about rent.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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