i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
