i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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