Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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