She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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