I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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