i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
