watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you would pick up someone in the library
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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