his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
