Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
