why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
