So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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