I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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