remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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