my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
