Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
