she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's Friday. Sex?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
