if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
