Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
