Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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