the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you would pick up someone in the library
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So squirting runs in the family.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
