I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
