Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
